Dealing with Homesickness
Homesickness is common among children (whether younger or older) who spend a significant amount of time away from home; especially if it's their first time away. Parents who plan to send their kids to boarding school should prepare themselves for a homesickness "phase". The phase often includes an increase in the number of phone calls and emails to parents, a disinterest in school activities, unwillingness to get to know other students, and poor performance in the classroom.
A sense of loss is at the root of most homesickness. The student feels he's "lost" his familiar, comfortable life. And while that's true to some degree, it's important to help a student realize that he's also gaining a whole new life; new friends, new experiences, new "home" (albeit a temporary one). Though these new things can't replace the old, they can be just as exciting, enjoyable and rewarding.
Many boarding schools go to great lengths to help new students overcome homesickness. New student orientations often include information about school clubs and extracurricular activities. In addition, many schools plan social events to help students and faculty get to know each other.
When your child is experiencing homesickness, it's important to help him see the good things. Ask him about his classes, the people he's meeting, and what kinds of activities are available at the school. If he was involved in sports at his previous school, ask about the boarding school's sports programs and how he likes them. If he was involved in a theatre or drama program before, talk to him about the opportunities he has to do the same things at boarding school. Point him towards activities that will be familiar, even though the location and people are different.
One thing that's important to do when your child is feeling homesick is to set boundaries, especially if he's calling and/or emailing you excessively. It's ok to tell him that he needs to limit his calls to once a day or a few times a week. It may be hard for your child to hear, but it's an important step towards helping him embrace his new surroundings. The boarding school may have rules for this as well. Often, during the first few weeks of school, a boarding school's campus is "closed", meaning that students aren't allowed to leave. Many boarding schools require students to stay on campus for a certain number of weekends each school year. It's their way of encouraging student interaction and friendships.
While boundaries are important, it's also important that they be set in a loving, understanding way. A parent who's too harsh on a homesick child is likely to reinforce the child's feelings of abandonment and/or isolation. The child needs to be free to express his emotions – his fears, anxieties, sadness, and possibly anger – without being reprimanded or punished. His feelings are real and should be validated.
Homesickness typically lasts two to three weeks; maybe a month at the most. If your child's homesickness extends beyond that, or seems to be extreme, you may want to get a school faculty member (like a counselor or house advisor) involved. Remember that the faculty at a boarding school is used to dealing with homesick students and can offer suggestions and support for your child.